he truth is out there......

All of internetdom was stunned by the shut down of Wadasia....one of the oldest and most famous game server communities on the net....with a rich history stretching back to the glory days of Doom...14.4 modems and paying long distance charges to play your buddies in computer games.....

The conspiracy and coverup pertaining to the shutdown and reopening of WadAsia stretches to the highest reaches of the internet....even involving the most famous gaming website..Bluesnews....

What happened....was the story reported on Bluesnews true....or was it a coverup started to protect the public and the reputations of certain well known legends in the gaming industry.....

The truth is out there....and this is the REAL story of what happened to WadAsia....told by Bodhisattva.....the spiritual leader of WadAsia and the last of the old school frag artists.....

THE RISE AND FALL OF THE WADASIAN EMPIRE

Bodhi stood on the deck of the ship as it gently glided into WadAsia harbor.....just having spent several weeks in the south seas of the Pacific, he was dressed in a LOUD Hawaiian shirt, a straw hat, sunglasses, shorts, and sandals...in his hand rested a cocnut shell drink with a bright pink umbrella stickin out of the top....he was certainly a site compared to his usual armor wearing presence....he had even removed his sacred mystical steel arm of the ancients and had replaced it with his vacation arm.....a much less ominous looking apendage.....

As Bodhi walked down the gangplank and returned to WadAsian soil he was met by Kickin Kev and Kyle-E-Coyote....two of WadAsia's warriors in training.....

Kyle: "Bodhi...Bodhi come quick....there is much to tell you and you MUST come with us to the castle!!!!!"

Bodhi: "What...what is it Kyle????"

Bodhi followed Kevin and Kyle up to the (closed) gates of Castle Wadasia...

Bodhi: "Why are the gates closed???Was their an attack??"

Kevin: "Not exactly my lord"

Bodhi: "Well spit it out man...what has happened?!?!?!!?"

It was then that Bodhi noticed that the beautiful WadAsian emblems aside the gates were MISSING...in their place were....LARGE SWASTIKAS...with the words NET NAZI under them.....The vibrant colors of the surrounding buildings were gone...replaced with a dull brown color....

Bodhi: (Roaring)"What is the meaning of this?!?!?!?"

It was then that little Kevin came up and pulled on the shirt tail if Bodhi's gaudy Hawaiian shirt.....

Kevin: "You had better read this"

and handed Bodhi a scroll...

Bodhi unrolled the scroll and as he read his jaw dropped....it was from The Holy Gail.....a former supermodel and current wife of Sir Jeffulot....frequently gone due to photo shoots around the world Bodhi did not think it strange she was not around....

The scroll read:

Bodhi....I hope you receive this in time....While you were away a plague fell across WadAsia...a plague brought about by my HUSBAND..Sir Jeffulot!!!

I awoke one morning to find him dressed in a drab brown uniform with a swastika on the arm...the words Net Nazi surrounded the swastika....his golden hair was parted on the side and greased down to his head....a small one inch mustache directly under his nose...

He spoke to me...I swear it was with a German accent:

"Ve have poot up vith this nonsense long enuff...I am shutting VadAsia down and disbanding this gaggle of fools!!!!"

I spoke to him:

"No Jeff...what are you saying...WadAsia is home to them...they have fought by your side in hundreds of battles..They love WadAsia....they would die for you!!!"

"Eef they stay they vil die....I will put up vis them no longer...VadAsia is KAPUT!!!!"

With that he stormed out of the room.....several minutes later I heard the generators buried deep beneath WadAsia shut down.....I heard the gates being closed and locked......

I tried to rush out of my room but I found the door LOCKED....I was his prisoner!!!!! I was only able to get this scroll to you because my faithful servant Kickin Kev slipped in through an open window to see if I was safe.....

Later I heard the roar of the crowd and I looked down into the courtyard...a huge muscular figure was being dragged by two large stallions....I realized it was Draven.....being carried to the dungeon!!!

I heard the roars of the warriors as they banged on the gates of WadAsia........but it was hopeless...they could not get in.....Jeff had fortified the castle with the strongest material in WadAsia....Atomantium......I heard the clash of axes being slammed into the gates....I even heard the tremendous shudder as Chewy tried to break through the gates...using his sheer strength......all to no avail.....

My hand maidens have filled me in on the rest of the story...I am a prisoner in a gilded cage...I am locked in the tallest tower in WadAsia Castle....I have food, drink, much to entertain me....but I cannot leave...

It is reported the warriors have disbanded and scattered about the land......without you to give them guidance they fell apart.....

I do not know what has happened to Jeffulot...he is NOT the man I fell in love with and married!!!! He has become a monster....

Draven is being held in the deepest dungeons of the castle..at night I can hear his screams as Jeffulot and Henry the Enforcer torture him....

The worst part is.....

They have cut off his steroids......he is given barely enough food and water for a child to live on.....

As you know Draven's blood is 90% pure testosterone....without his daily steroid injections he will DIE!!!!

You MUST resurrect the WadAsian Warriors...you MUST rescue Draven before it is too late!!!!!

Help me Bodhi Won...you're my only hope!!!!

Bodhi rolled the scroll up and was deathly silent.....

"Kevin..Kyle get my things off the ship and meet me at the temple of Gib Kwon Do....there is much to be done...."

Later that day......Bodhi was dressed in full battle armor and flexing his mystical battlle arm of the ancients.....

Kevin: "What are you going to do my lord???"

Bodhi: "I'm going to find the warriors and RETAKE WADASIA!!!!"

Kevin: "But...but where will you find them...they have spread all over the land!!!!"

Bodhi: "I have my ways..."

and with that Bodhi mounted his solid black stallion, Mantra and sheathing his 2000 year old Katana in the sheath across his back he galloped off....

Bodhi first decided to find Bad Mo Fo...the former King of WadAsia...no attempts could be made at retaking WadAsia without his help.....He stopped at a local pub that had several scantily clad women outside.....

Bodhi" (to himself) "If there's ho's then mofo can't be far"

Inside he approaced a pimp lookin mutha phucka....wearing a Zebra skin cape...a bright green fedora hat...a bright gold suit....holdin a diamond studded cane with a ho on each arm......

Bodhi: "Only one playa is pimped out enough to pull that shizit off......MOFO!!!

With that Bodhi and MoFo embraced......

Bodhi: "Mofo....we must recapture WadAsia..I need your help....I am assembling the warriors.....by the way, we must save Draven also"

MoFo: "DRAVEN!!!!That playa hatin mutha phucka owes me tree fifty for the use of one of my ho's!!!"

Bodhi: "You can take that up with him later....for now get out of those pimp ass clothes..get your armor, your weapons, and your ass in gear and COME ON"

The ho's began to whine: "No PIMP DADDY....don't leave us..we NEED YOU PIMP DADDY!!!!!"

MoFo: "Crazy ass beyotches....let's go Bodhi"

So Bodhi and Mofo merrily set off to find the rest of the warriors.....

Their next stop was at a small town square that Bodhi had gotten wind of...it was said a giant was there wrestling Grizzly bears.....

Bodhi: "The only guy crazy enough, pissed off enough...and strong enough to wrestle Grizzly bears would be Chewy....

At the town square.....just as Chewy was lifting a 1400 pound grizzly bear above his head and slamming him on the ground....

Bodhi: "Chewy....enough..I have a far better use for your aggression.......we are retaking WadAsia!!!!"

Chewy (rearing his head back and bellowing) "The TWO of you are going to retake Wadasia.....NONSENSE!!!"

MoFo: "Not the TWO of us moron...THE THREE OF US....GET YOUR ASS MOVING!!!!"

Chewy grabbed his armor and weapons and joined the merry quest.....

Bodhi, Chewy, and MoFo's next stop was a dark cave in the side of a mountain......Bodhi had heard tales of a warrior dressed all in black...with a huge Falcon perched on his shoulder seen about these parts....

Bodhi found Dyrewolf in the cave....the giant Falcon on a wooden branch plunged in the floor....Dyrewolf was in deep meditation as the three stealithly entered the cave...not sure of who might be inside.....

Bodhi came up behind Dyrewolf and reached out to touch him......that was the last Bodhi remembered......He awoke on the floor with a grinning Dyrewolf peering down at him....

Dyre: "Hey Bodhi...while you were unconscious Chewy and Mofo filled me in....LET'S GO!!!"

He then helped Bodhi up off the floor and smacked him on the back....

Dyre: "Your weeks in paradsise have slowed you down Bodhi...you MUST be prepared for anything!!!"

Bodhi: (cursing under his breath and rubbing his sore back)

Chewy and MoFo grinned at each other...

The band of warriors continued on.....next stop......the FROG BROTHERS.....

The frog brothers were legendary steel workers...they made the finest weapons available..ANYWHERE.....Bodhi, Chewy, MoFo, and Dyre found them in a small town...all three of them hard at work at their furnaces and anvils working the steel.....without WadAsia they had gone into the manufactured home business.........

The Frog Brothers loaded up their newest creation...something called a "double wide" and Chewy pulled it along.....grumbling the entire time.....

Chewy: "Could I get a little help here....this is heavy"

MoFo: "Hey...that's what you get for being a 7 foot hulking Wookie!!!!You could pull something TWICE that size you whining baby...now SHUT THE FUCK UP....NEXT!!"

With that outburst a tear formed in Bodhi's eye....which he quickly wiped away...you see that had been one of his former friend Jeffulot's favorite sayings.....

This rag-tag group...Bodhi, Dyre, Chewy, MoFo, and the Frog Brothers went in further search of more warriors.....with Chewy pullin that BIGASS trailer....

The group approached a GIANT mansion....there were peacocks strutting around the front yard...there were flower gardens stretches out on either side......on the front porch....wearing a pink Polo Shirt, Nautica shorts, Deck shoes with no socks, not a hair out of place, reading the Wall Street Journal was...STEVARIUS...the wealthiest of all the warriors...he was a warrior because he craved the bloddshed...not because he needed the RIDICUlOUSLY small pay the warriors received......

Bodhi: "Enough day trading....get your shit and let's go!!!"

Steve: "Are you crazy?!?!?!Leave ALL this to go on some crazy quest with you guys??!?!?!?Why should I????

Bodhi: "We will pay you in hot wings and WadAsian pale ale....."

Steve: "LET'S GO!!!!"

Next stop for our band of merry men was to pick up Nugent.......he was bow hunting with Ted Nugent in the woods.....they were on a stump drinkin his homemade brew......he did not even question the band.....he grabbed his equipment and joined them....Ted Nugent would have come but he had a radio show to do the next day.....

Next stop was to get Tracker.....he had been hired to keep the flies away from the Net Nazi's herd of prized horses....all about the field were horseflys with arrows stickin through them......

Turning his head to speak with Bodhi as he let off a shot from his crossbow.....a horsefly was shot off the ear of a beautiful white mare.....

Tracker: "Bodhi!!!!Guys...its great to see you....what's up????"

Dyre: "We are gonna go kick some ass...you wanna come???"

Tracker: "DAMN RIGHT...Let's ROLL you slow asses"

at a full run Tracker fired twice over his shoulder..without looking....a small poster of the net nazi hung on the door to the barn.....350 yards across the field.....Bodhi took out his spy glass and saw two arrows just fired from Tracker's crossbow sticking out of the left eye of Jeffulot's scowling, mustached face.....

Bodhi: "I see you haven't lost your touch"

The group neared a wooded area...in the distance small trees were falling over and the ground shuddered...the entire group took cover.....just then the Saint atop a two wheeled death machine caught crazy air above their heads and landed right behind them.....he skidded to a stop, bunnyhopped sideways and faced the warriors......

Bodhi: "Bring that full suspension death chariot and join us....we are retaking WadAsia and saving Draven!!!!!"

Their next stop was to get Destructis....he was sitting in his immense castle...staring at the walls and saying.....Chongi, Tan Gun, Do San......

He joined the group as their quest neared its completion.....

The last stop was to get Kev LOD and CW4.....being brother and father of Jeffulot their shame was a heavy burden....Kev LOD was strumming his shimmering guitar outside a pub...a huge man is thrown through the front window with a crash..narrowly missing Kev LOD.....

CW4: "Dammit boy.....move your ass...you're in my landing zone when I have to toss these moggots out of this place!!!!

It took little conversation to get CW4 and Kev to join these once proud warriors in their most important battle......

The group arrived at the temple of Gib Kwon Do....here the prying eyes of the Net Nazi's imformers could not reach....

Bodhi: "We shall need something to bust through those gates...Chewy....last night I heard you talkin in your sleep...you were rambling about full blown rat motors something or other....

Chewy: "Yes..I have made drawings of my invetions....but they are just drawings....."

Iron: "If you can draw it....we can make it!!"

Bodhi: "Chewy, Frog Brothers...figure out some way through those gates......I must enter the temple of Gib Kwon Do and prepare myself for battle.....the attack from Dyrewolf proved my vacation has made me slow and I am ill prepared for the ensuing battle....I will be with my Grandmaster Gib-Meister and Master Albino Bob to study the ways of Gib Kwon Do.....I have accomplished my purpose...I have gathered the warriors.....It is up to you to get me inside the gates so we may rescue Draven and retake WadAsia..."

With that Bodhi entered the temple...as the great doors closed the warriors went to work preparing for the attack......occasional glimpses of Bodhi could be seen through the windows of the temple.....floating above the floor deep in meditation.......

Days later.....

Bodhi emerges from the temple of Gib Kwon Do.....ready for battle..his mystical steel arm of the anicents had been cleaned and oiled....his armor polished to a bright sheen.....

Iron: "It's time to show you our baby.....we will get you inside those gates"

With that a deafening roar was heard....a monstrosity thundered out from behind the temple....

It was the double wide......except now it had tank treads beneath it.....Iron began the run down of its weapons and capabilities....the following is a summarry:

Dual Full blown 454 Rat motors
Nitrous Oxide
Armor plating all around
Unobtanium Battering ram (a new metal invented by the Frog Brothers)
Firing slots all around the Trailer
6 roof mounted mortars
A giant catapault mounted on the roof....with a slot in the roof of the
trailer allowing it to be loaded from the safety of inside
Red polyester curtains
Redwood Deck
Dual bathrooms
Attractive Dinette

Bodhi: "I LOVE IT.....with this we shall retake WadAsia!!!!!!We strike at midnight...prepare yourselves!!!!!"

Midnight.....the time to end the darkness.....

The guards on duty felt the ground move before they heard the roar........the alarm was sounded....through the darkness roared the Double Wide of Death!!!!!!!

With CW4 manning the mortars he rained down exploding shells on the helpless guards.....the catapault let fly huge burning barrels of oil......Bad Mo Fo and Tracker were sniping the guards off the walls.......

Chewy...who was driving the monstrosity (who was the only one that could because he neglected to invent power steering:-) bellowed......"RAMMING SPEED"

FWOOOMP!!!!!The Double Wide of Destiny crashed into the gate...and was stopped cold......Chewy threw the vehicle into reverse cursing loudly........he then floored it again........CW4 pumped 6 mortars into the base of the door seconds before Chewy rammed the gates......they broke off their hinges and were thrown backwards.....

Once in the courtyard, a door in the back of the trailer dropped and the warriors poured out.....The Saint was first on his full suspension two wheeled death machine...he was bunny hoppin over guards and smacking them in the head with the rear tire.....Chewy grabbed the two closest guards and smacked their heads together...making a sound not unlike two coconuts......Nugent, Destructis, CW4, and Kev LOD made for the guard house.....pumping grenades and incindiary bombs through the open windows and doors....the guard house exploded into a blinding white cloud......

Destructis(grinning): "Sheeet....they must have had some ammo in there"

Bodhi, Tracker, Bad Mo Fo, and Dyre made for the dungeons......

The warriors fought their way down to the dungeons....dozens of the Net Nazi's guards were sent to the afterlife.....

Bodhi, Tracker, Bad Mo Fo and Dyre made for the cells....

They looked in the first cell they came to....chained to the wall was a pale, thin, scraggly man.......

Bodhi: "Shit....get him down...maybe he knows where they are keeping Draven"

A very soft raspy voice was heard from the emaciated scarecrow.....

"Know...your role..........you roo....dy poo candy ass......"

Bodhi:"Holy Shizit......its DRAVEN!!!!!"

MoFo: "WTF are you talkin about...this skinny old man isn't Draven!!!!"

Bodhi: "YES!!!....It's him.....The Net Nazi cut off his steroid supply...his blood is 90% testosterone....without the steroids he has weakened and shriveled....but I think I have something for him..."

With that Bodhi pulled an IV bottle out of his pack......

Bodhi: "PURE testosterone.."

Bodhi easily found a vein and started the IV.....

Almost like a circus ballon Draven began to EXPAND......muscles drinking in the size giving testosterone.....

With the bag half empty, Draven grabbed it in the middle and squeezed it like a ketchup bottle......forcing the ramainder of the testosterone into his blood stream......

Draven let out a mighty roar and gave a full frontal double bicep pose...looking at the world like a NON-green incredible hulk!!!!

Draven: "Enough of this candy ass shit...its time to kick and stomp some Net Nazi ass!!!

The door behind them creaked and standing in the doorway....FILLING the doorway....was Henry...the enforcer.....he had obviously been brainwashed by the Net Nazi....

Henry lunged at the warriors...........the lightning fast Bad Mo Fo swept Henry's feet out from under him and he feel into the HUGE arms of Draven.....with all his newfound strength Draven put Henry in the sleeper hold and he went out like a light.....

Bodhi: "We'll lock him in here until we have retaken the castle...then we will deprogram him"

As the group was leaving Bodhi heard a faint voice....singing...Bodhi raised his arm....."STOP!!!"

MoFo: "What is it??"

Bodhi: "The singing.....there's someone else down here...."

The group found the source of the singing....inside a cell...chanined to a bed was a man....a man wearing an iron mask.....

The obviously malnourished man quietly sung to himself....it was at that moment that Bodhi withdrew his ancient Katana and swung towards the man....

Draven: "WHAT ARE YOU DO......"

With one swift motion Bodhi's katana severed the steel lock holding the iron mask on....the mask fell in two piece on the bed.....

It was then they all realized what Bodhi has realized....the man was singing......LOOPY!!!!!The national anthem of Wadasia!!!!!!!!

The man before them was.....

JEFFULOT!!!!The REAL Jeffulot!!!!!

After several hot wings Bodhi had brought along for their mystical healing powers, Jeffulot told the story of how he came to be locked in his own dungeon..inside an iron mask......

Jeffulot: "I was perorming my morning ritual...I went outside the gates to get the morning paper...I was wearing my King Kev Jammies and King Kev booties.....I was grabbed from behind and struck on the head.......I awoke to my OWN face staring down at me......It was this IMPOSTER....this Net Nazi.....he was laughing maniacally.....he is actually my evil twin....evidently we were sepearated at birth.......I went to live here...he grew up in orphanages....he hates me and everything WadAsia stands for......."

Jeffulot stopped...."Where..where is the Holy Gail...she did not come with you??!?!?"

Bodhi: "She is locked in the highest tower of WadAsia....we are going to rescue her next"

With that the warriors raced through the halls toward the tower.....

They arrived at the door and everything was quiet....not a sound was heard......Tracker was first through the door......A deafening explosion boomed through the doorway and Tracker staggered back....a hole in the chestplate of his armor!!!Blood began to pour out......MoFo grabbed Tracker and dragged him to safety....quickly trying to stop the blood....but blood was everywhere.....

A voice inside said.....

"Come inside....NOW!!!!...do it or she eez dead"

Bodhi pushed the door open and they walked into the room......MoFo dragging the unconscious Tracker..... The Holy Gail was in front of the Net Nazi...his eyes gleaming in the light from the candles flickering in the room....

"Your veapons.....on z floor.....NOW!!!!!" screamed the Net Nazi....

Jeffulot was visibly shaken and stepped towards Gail and the Net Nazi.....

"STOP!!!....One more step and I vil blow her head off"

In the Net Nazi's hand was a wicked looking weapon........

"You think you are so smart eh....vell you may have recaptured this castle....but I vil take from you the one piece of Vadasia that can never be replaced...the HOLY GAIL!!!!!!!!"

"NO!!!!!" Screamed Jeffulot........The Net Nazi raised the weapon to the temple of the Holy Gail.......

THWWWETTTTTT!!!!!The trigger finger of the Net Nazi was shot off with an arrow......A weak and wounded Tracker had rolled over and fired a bolt from his crossbow......removing the trigger finger of the Net Nazi......

Jeffulot lunged at the Net Nazi and did a spinning back kick....knocking the stunned Net Nazi back and away from the Holy Gail...Jeffulot grabbed the Holy Gail and pulled her to safety......

The Net Nazi threw his gun in the air and grabbed it with his other hand.......THWICKKKKK!!!!!!Bad Mo Fo had deftly extracted his boot knife and planted it in the upper chest of the Net Nazi......causing him to drop the weapon and stumble backwards......right into the open window.....and OUT THE WINDOW.....the Net Nazi punged down the tower and splashed into the moat.....

The warriors ran to the window and looked down.....The Evil Net Nazi was floating face down in the water.......

A roar of cheers went up around the room....and the Holy Gail kissed Jeffulot.....not one of those stupid movie kisses....but a butt kickin WadAsian kiss!!!!

The following day...

All are rested and celebrating....the Pale Ales and Hot wings flow from the Wadasian Kitchens.....Chef Downey has entire cattle butchered and pigs roasted....the food and drink flow.....

All the warriors are laughing and planning the rebuilding of Wadasia......

Kickin Kev and Kyle-E-Coyote rush in to the feasting.....

"My lord...my lord!!!!"

Jeffulot: "Yes my warriors in training.....what is it"

Kyle: "It's...it's......"

Bodhi: "What...what is it???"

Kevin: "It's the moat sir....we've been dredging it for hours.......

THERE IS NO BODY!!!!!!!

Note: This story is as true as my memory serves......submitted to the high council by Bodhi

~ Property of the WadAsian High Council

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